Money, Money, Money … Ugh

I know many people share my frustration with finances. We live an economic climate that it temperamental at best. I am thankful that I eat well, sleep in a heated house, drive a working car and I am spoiled with many other luxuries, like DVR and a puppy. I am in no means “in need,” yet money stalks me, it’s an all-consuming giant feasting on worry and need.  

I thought this picture was interesting.

It seems like I can’t go a day without talking about money. I don’t bring it up most of the time; the need for money is something I’d rather ignore. I live in an interesting paradigm; I’m a missionary and therefore rely on the generosity of others to support me. The wonderful people that support me each month sacrifice in order to do so, God has put on their heart to give a percentage of their tithe to my ministry and for that I am eternally grateful. To perpetuate the Christian stereotype, I hope they are as blessed in this offering as I am. This is an amazing work of the Lord, but here’s where the awkwardness comes in – what happens when I need to ask for more?

Missionaries come across this issue all the time. There is a predominant belief in the mission world (I’m sure there are more but this is a common one) – cast a vision for the ministry and the Lord will work in the hearts of the people you meet. It’s a tag-team, you present the opportunity to partner in ministry and the Lord works. Here’s where the big question happens, what if the Lord doesn’t seem to be working? I know missionaries who have been trying to get on the field for years and the money just isn’t coming in. I also know missionaries who are doing amazing work on the field but they are heavily in debt. If the Lord doesn’t seem to be working, then the follow-up question is; am I working in the center of His will? The money is not coming in, am I on the wrong path? How do you answer these questions? You can’t answer the questions without a drastic change, and even then an answer isn’t a guarantee.

Therefore, missionaries rely heavily on faith. That’s where I’m at, relying heavily on faith in my Father but also seeking the best way to present my need to my network of people that care and pray for me. Living in the US and turning 26 next month (going off the parent’s insurance) is proving expensive. I am earnestly praying for God’s guidance in my life, am I on the path He has laid for me or is it time to adjust? Please partner in this prayer with me. As much as I hate money (or at least the lack of it), it’s a necessary piece of the world and something I can’t run away from.

This one a hard one to write, no one wants to share their shortcomings or needs. I’ve grown up in a missionary family so I am no stranger to relying on other’s generosity. Pray never hurts.

(If you are interested in just a piece of what I do, visit our website onechallenge@oci.org. I write/edit a lot of the articles and help generate content.)

A Good Man is Hard to Find

The title of this blog is incredibly misleading but I have a feeling it got you to click. Keep reading, there's a point.

I work for OC International, a mission organization that values its people. I know a lot of orgs say this, but in real and practical ways we care about the mental and physical well being of the people around the world that serve with us, adults and children alike. For roughly 11 years of my life I have been working with the children of our missionaries during our rest and replenish retreat in the summer called PEP.


Did I mention PEP is in the Colorado Rockies?

To understand what we do and why a good man is hard to find, let me give you a bit of incite into missionary kids (these traits are generalized and don't apply to everyone).

1. On some level, we feel responsibly for the money our parents raise. Good manners, bright smiles and God-centric answers to questions seem directly correlated to support raising. This is not true, God challenges people to obediently give, but it seems to a young MK ... the cuter you are, the bigger the bank.

2. In relation to the above trait, it's really hard to admit we are broken and not doing well. This can feel like a betrayal to our parents who have sacrificed in the service of Christ. How can you complain when God has called and your parents answered?

3. MKs are really good at relating to adults. In general, we are well-spoken, insightful, and know our place in the conversation. Unfortunately the caveat is that we are a little awkward around our peers, especially those that have never lived overseas. How does one relate with someone who thinks you live in a hut in central China when you live in a skyscraper with a concrete backyard in the heart of Beijing? This awkwardness often leads to perception of being aloof and when most of your conversations begin with, "On vacation we scuba dived in Bali" or "Every winter we visit a lodge in the Swiss Alps" one might think MKs are a bit spoiled and stuck up. That doesn't even get me started on the "one ups." In an attempt to relate, when you say, "I'm learning Spanish." I might come back at you and say, "I've been speaking Spanish since I was 5." I assure you, I'm just trying to make conversation, you are probably hearing me trying to be better than you.

4. MKs don't feel 100% comfortable anywhere. Even if you have been entirely immersed into the culture where you live, something inside reminds you that you are not actually German or Brazilian or Indonesian. Yet, you also don't belong in the culture in which your passport identifies you. It's a complicated confusion that not every one can understand.

This all leads me to the point of my title. Not just anyone can speak into the lives of MKs. In our org we like older MKs to mentor and listen to younger MKs. There is no judgement or prejudice because we "get" it. We, generally, have no shortage of mature young women that want to pour into and love the young MKs in the org. Where we lack is young men that have experience mentoring and want to spend time having fun with other MKs but also share emotions, struggles and joys with younger, boy MKs. This is a great need this summer. Coming to the retreat are a lot young men who need someone older to hang with them and speak into their lives, someone that cares for them and understands them. We have a couple young men coming to lead but where we lack is a mature, male leader for the older group, who could also lead the male staff. I am desperately seeking God's guidance in this area. Please pray with me in this. It's not an easy job but it's important and I am praying the Lord will bring the right guy to the doorstep.

So my title is not a plea of a single women looking for "Mr. Right," but it's the lament of a MK leader that needs someone to partner in the work of pouring into the lives of MKs from several countries all over the world.


(This is the staff (and one participant in the program)for the summer 2011. Notice, all young women, and don't even ask about the costumes, that story is worth another blog post.)

Ants in the Pants

God’s voice in my life has been, what I would call, ambiguous. He speaks with fire and the thunder but also in a soft whisper; our communication is more of the whisper variety. So when I get a sense of restlessness I always question its source. Historically, I have proof where this “get up and go” was God’s step for my life, but other times it has just been me, my missionary-kid self, bored and unsatisfied, ready to move on. I’m ready to “go” but how long do you wait for a whisper?

These thoughts bring up an interesting question – do I not feel comfortable in a time of settling? My life has been a series of transitions since the time I graduated college. It’s common belief that it takes a year to fully transition into a new environment or scenario. I’ve been out of college for almost four years (yikes!); three-fourths of that time was spent in transition. That’s my sweet spot. I feel comfortable in the unsettledness. Nothing is permanent. It’s flexible. Don’t like a situation – move on. This probably isn’t healthy, but it’s me.

This is a giant lead up to my state of mind – I’m ready to go. I love the comforts of home and Colorado but I’m over living in the U.S. Why be stuck in one place when there is a world to explore? My job right now is great; I’m in a support role for ministry all over the world. OC’s people are great and God is doing great things through them. But this is a season, and what I would consider a short one. I have wanderlust that will not easily be quenched.

I think God has big plans for my life – I’m just not quite sure what they are yet. I am definitely in Colorado until August. I pray that during this time I hear God’s whisper in my life. I pray I will seek him more faithfully everyday and not make rash decision based on that itchy feeling from ants in my pants. J

Finding a Church ... It's No Picnic

I am in the midst of the prayer letter downloading and proofing and I decided I need a break, so what better to do than to blog. J

A friend and I are trying to find a church. I live in Colorado Springs – I could throw a stone from almost anywhere in the city and hit a church. Why then is it so hard to find one that fits my criteria? I don’t think I’m being demanding. All I want is a place for community, growth and service. Is it really too much to ask that I find a church home where I can not only get involved and build community, but also agree with what the pastor says on Sunday mornings? I don’t need 100% agreement, that’s idealistic and frankly if that happened I would never be challenged. What I am asking for is not to be confused or outraged when I leave, both things have happened recently.

I am still in the process of church-hunting and I hope to settle somewhere soon, looking for churches is emotionally and spiritually exhausting. Here are a few things I’ve learned in the process:

1.       Don’t go to a church just because it has a cool name – it doesn’t mean the church is cool.

2.       Youth doesn’t always mean a fresh perspective.

3.       A late start Sunday morning should not be an indicator of where to go.

4.       Always get someone’s opinion about the church before you go, you won’t be sorry. You might if you don’t.

5.       Size doesn’t matter, friendliness does.

6.       Just because you know people that go there doesn’t mean it’s the best fit for you, even if it’s in your comfort zone.  

This all I have so far; not a lot, I know. I’m still searching. Trying a new one Sunday, here’s to hoping it goes better than last Sunday. J

 

Do We Understand the Meaning of Persecution?

During Monday chapel at the US-MC we prayed for several individuals who are in prison for their faith. As I ardently keep these people in my heart and prayers, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my Bible study group a couple months ago as we read through Philippians. Do we, primarily as Americans, really understand persecution and therefore understand the power of Jesus Christ in the lives of those who are truly persecuted?

In the book of Philippians Paul is writing from prison, so clearly, joy in the midst of persecution becomes a major theme in the book’s 100, or so, verses. The Bible study group was talking about learning from Paul’s example by finding joy in Christ even through our personal persecution. This gave me pause wondering, have I ever been truly persecuted? Had anyone in that group? I would argue that people in the U.S. today do not face imprisonment or death for sharing their faith. (Of course there are exceptions to every rule.)

We might face the loss of a job or friendships because of our faith; we might be teased, bullied or shunned. This is persecution, but can we really understand the position of Paul or these men in prison around the world today? They remain constant in faith and rejoice in the Lord despite their imprisonment. Would I have that courage?

So often we are sucked into narrow-mindedness and increase our minor problems to eclipse real problems in the world that often don’t have easy answers. I complain when I don’t have enough money to buy a new pair of boots while sipping from a bottle of filtered and fortified water when children in South East Asia walk miles in ragged flip-flops for water that is potable. A person de-friends me on Facebook because of my religious beliefs and I feel an injustice has occurred; how petty are my woes when men are wasting away in prison for their faith and waiting for a trial before a biased judge.

I pray you and I will never have to face true persecution; that our biggest worries are those that pass easily in the night. But more so than that, I pray that we will remember Christians around the world who are suffering for their faith and the many who die because of it.

Here are a couple good sites that share stories and help with prayer ideas for the persecuted church. I hope you take time to visit them and add the persecuted church to your prayer life.

http://www.opendoorsusa.org/

http://www.onewiththem.com/

I Saw the Sign -- Now I'm More Confused Than Ever

Recently, I’ve been contemplating the idea of signs and growing experiences.

We all believe in some form of “signs,” some being more legitimate than others. You may not call them “signs,” but really we all can agree we get information from sources outside ourselves on occasion. In my life I often take “signs” as the word of the Holy Spirit. What I’ve been mulling over is when a “sign” is from God but it is, in human perspective, ambiguous. Is it a message to move on, to work harder, to change, etc.? While in the Philippines, I knew I was following God’s will because he gave me “signs” of his purpose – impact, community, spiritual maturity. “Signs” that it was time to leave the Philippines were also clear – peace in the decision, importance in work at the US-MC, and very little drop in my support after announcing the change of ministry.

Those were all positive signs, good things although acting out God’s will wasn’t easy. What I’m struggling with now is what if the signs are negative. Aside from a few inividuals, why has building a community in Colorado been a struggle? Why do some friendships stay on the surface and continually require an outpouring of effort with little result? Why do I have the desire to travel, move on? Why has my monthly support dropped over $500 a month, making it impossible to maintain my salary. What are these signs supposed to tell me? Should I change my focus? Work harder to get new supporters? Postpone dreams/professional ministry? Try to meet new people? Pour out more time and energy to build community?

I guess my major question is, if I am following God’s will for my life why don’t I feel as blessed and reassured as I once did?

This brings me to the other thought – if this is a growing year, what am I learning? The book of Philippians has seemed to follow me around these past four months or so, is there something there? Am I devoid of joy? I feel like I am in a tornado of decisions and changes and I can’t get a grasp on what the purpose is; what am I supposed to do now?

If you think about it, please pray for me in this time. I need a grasp on what I am supposed to do with these “signs” in my life. What’s the bigger picture I am failing to see?

As I continue this time in my life, I pray that I will come out on the other end a stronger person, both spiritually and emotionally. Growing pains hurt, I’m just struggling not to be broken.

Resolutions are meant to be broken

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I’d be winning golds since 2001 (when I started high school and realized laziness didn’t always mean bad grades, and therefore succumbed to my genetic pre-disposition to start something I might never finish). You might be hard-pressed to find someone lazier, or more easily distracted, than me. All this self-deprecation is to say, it’s been a while since my last post.

Life update: Christmas and New Years flew by, spending half the holiday in Colorado and the other half in California. I am increasingly reminded of the blessing of my family, despite our dysfunction. I stayed at Kassen’s apartment in Cali, watching corny movies that only your sister won’t judge you for enjoying – what would I do without my lil’ sis? We had a late Christmas with Erin and her family (I included a pic of my nephew and niece because they are too cute not to show off :)). I love giving gifts and playing with them afterward. Bonus of being an aunt – you just get to do the fun stuff.

Work update: On the trip to California I had the opportunity to tag along with my parents, meeting with a few missionaries and some people who are considering OC. I enjoyed talking to each person about their journey and their perspective of OC. As someone literally born into the mission, it was good to hear why people join OC and what we have to offer. Now that I am back in Colorado I have more work to do than time to do it. It’s an exciting time for the communications department. We launched our new website, http://www.onechallenge.org/, at the end of December and now we have the constant task of updating it and making it relevant. I love it, but there’s a lot to get done.

There are a few possibilities of exciting developments that might be coming up in my life. Most things are in the dream stage right now but I will keep you posted as things develop and become more concrete.

Happy New Year! Love and blessing in 2013.