The Problem with Missionaries

My inner-self in moments of my own stubbornness and pride. 

Since the age of 5 I have lived in the world of missions (I may argue that it’s actually been since birth as both sets of my grandparents are missionaries, but I officially became an MK at 5 so that’s my start date). I’ve learned something in these 22 years of living among those chosen to “go to the ends of the earth,” and it’s not pretty. Missionaries are some of the most hard-headed, stubborn, selfish, change-phobic and downright annoying people on this planet. Sorry if this crushes my halo, (as I am stubborn and selfish) but it’s the truth.

We missionaries are a contradiction, a juxtaposition of the worst kind. In one breath we are self-sacrificing, lay down our lives on the altar, spreading the Good News kind of people and in the next we are unwilling to change, compromise, or work together for the good of the Kingdom. Trust me, it’s true. There are missionaries out there that refuse to work with other missionaries. Something happens, there’s an argument, and the relationship is broken. Sometimes we become so wrapped up in our own ministry we fail to see value in another’s ministry. We rank ministries based on different and unspoken criteria. We place priority on one and marginalize another (I am certainly guilty of this). We are workaholics and say it’s OK because we are doing it for the Kingdom. Ministry becomes a crutch; a reason to be neglectful of families, of friends, and even their relationship with Christ! Are you shocked yet?

The problem with missionaries is that sometimes we feel infallible and, unfortunately, there is precedent for this; often missionaries are treated as such by those that send us. But we, like all humanity, are broken. We need to be saved. The “title” doesn’t make a missionary better, it does not excuse us from devaluing other professions, it’s not sainthood, it doesn’t give us the right to be stubborn, prideful or mean. Those are sins. A missionary refusing to work with another because of our petty humanness is a sin. One of our missionaries stated it this way, “No one needs the gospel more than a missionary!” We are one body and we are called to reach the lost as one body. The lost are not just an unreached people group; they are often family members, children, neighbors, co-workers. Unfortunately we cover our sins with fancy words like, it’s just a “difference in vision.” That’s the enemy’s trap missionaries can fall in to. How can we love the unreached when we cannot love one another?

There are exceptions to every rule. This blanket statement is more about myself than others, I'm sure. For every bad there’s a good. The truth, though, is we are all flawed – no one is an exception to that rule. We are sinful, we are human. The beauty of our Lord is that he uses the sinful. He died that we might be saved. Being saved doesn’t mean we become perfect or without sin. He chose humans, flaws and all, to proclaim HIS glory. We all are called to proclaim his name, whether we have the occupation of “missionary” or not. Perfection was reserved for only one human being, Jesus.

Missionaries should, and are, grateful to be used despite our sin. We just forget it sometimes. We are only successful in the Great Commission when the Holy Spirit chooses to work through us. We alone have no impact; it’s only through Christ that we are given influence. It’s humbling. And we all can use the reminder that without Christ we are nothing, just lost and broken.

A Sad Goodbye to an Amazing Woman

About a year ago I wrote a blog post called “Goodbye’s Suck!” If you have been blessed with a life that has had very few goodbyes, your luck abounds. My life has been riddled with goodbyes – casualties of TCK life. Today my organization says goodbye to a very dear friend and I am reminded that indeed goodbyes suck.

Marcie babysat me before my family went to Guatemala. In fact, she might have been a part of my family’s life before I was. She has worked at OC for 10 years and is leaving to move closer to family in the Northwest. She doesn’t leave town until later this month but today is one of the “official” goodbye days.

This is Kassen (my sister) and Marcie in India. 

For the last two years of working the U.S. office Marcie has been my sanity. She is calm, collected and rational, which is a nice juxtaposition to my irrational and often frustrated temperament. We also take online quizzes like their going out of style – a welcomed laugh in a stressful work week. Reality TV also happens to be our kryptonite. The Voice just won’t be the same without her.

In general I prefer to be the one who leaves verses the one who stays. I’m not often put in this position. I leave, people don’t leave me. Recently a lot of people have been leaving. They move on, I’m here.

No doubt in my life I’ll be the one leaving once again but for now I am trying to find contentment in being the one who stays. It’s a box I don’t quite know how to fit into. It fits awkwardly and itches but it’s where I’m meant to be.

Goodbyes suck, but hellos are great. I pray for new hellos in Marcie’s life as she returns home. (Thank the Lord for email, social media and phones so we can keep in touch!)

I’m hoping for new hellos in my life, even if they will eventually lead to new goodbyes. I hope I find people, like Marcie, who are worth the risk.  

Will your kids be OK if you raise them overseas - ABSOLUTELY! (as much as any other kid anyway)

I recently helped my grandpa edit a letter response to a distraught aunt of one of OC’s appointees who argued that no young families should go overseas to do ministry. She insinuated that this couldn't be God’s plan for young families and that OC was taking advantage of this young couple, not fully explaining the risks. She said she is actively praying that the Lord would keep them here and serve the needy in the U.S., so they could raise their children in the safety and comfort of “home.”

Our first prayer card, circa 1991. I'm the little blondie in red. 

If you know me at all you will understand why I am writing a reactionary blog about this woman’s perspective. My (dare I say it) outrage at this letter has nothing to do with her claim that there are needy people in the U.S. and this couple could serve the Lord here. It has nothing to do with the fact that she clearly wants her family to be safe and close to her. My anger stems from the fact that she is basically saying my parents (and grandparents incidentally) didn't think of my welfare at all when they moved me and my siblings to Guatemala when I was 5. That my education, well-being and future are somewhat lesser having grown up abroad. (She also implies that there is a level of brainwashing going on in our org, which could be true but I think it’s more likely they are brainwashing us to believe the coffee they serve is tolerable.)

Unashamedly, I am hurt by this letter. I’m not going act like my childhood was all peaches and cream, and yeah, sure TCKs and MKs have their share of problems, especially on the identity level, but I will unabashedly get on my soap box and scream that raising children overseas is one of the best things you can do for them.

Here are 10 things I love about being a TCK (there are more but that could take a book):

1. I was raised to know that the Lord’s plan for your life is more meaningful than the one you may have for yourself, even if it involves moving halfway around the world.

2. Life is unpredictable but the Lord’s in control, whether it’s hurricanes, bus riots, being robbed or taken for granted, I learned from a young age to trust Him in dangerous and mundane circumstances.

3. I speak two languages and learning new ones can come quickly (now I speak foreign languages with a Spanish accent, which so far has worked well J, except in French, but c'est la vie.)

4. I grew up in a home where family was everything; often we only had each other.

5. My perspective of the world is broad, no place is more or less important than another.

6. Not many cultures or countries intimidate me; I believe, with the Lord’s help, I could live and thrive anywhere.

7. I have friends all over the world, who feel a lot more like family. 

8. I've learned that everyone's culture is vibrant and worth understanding, the more you know of someone’s culture, the more you know about them.

9. I've lived on the generosity and obedience of others. I’m humbled by the fact that because of donations from churches and individuals my parents and I can do what we are called to.

10. I don’t have an identity rooted in a place, I am rooted in Christ.

This may sound like I am tooting my own horn, “Hey everyone, look at me and how awesome I am.” That’s not my intention. Trust me, I have my fair share of problems and quirks (ask my friends, I have some nasty habits that almost certainly come from being a TCK). Someone could respond with 10 reasons why they love growing up and living in the same place their whole life and I think that’s awesome. We are carefully and wonderfully made and with that comes different backgrounds, talents and purposes. The world would be boring (and complicated) if it was made up of TCKs alone. We need each other.

Some incredible TCKs (obviously fun is something we can do)

The Lord’s plan for each of us is different. Some are called to go, where others are called to stay. That’s beautiful. Despite the hard times and the complexities of being a TCK, I am thankful that my parents answered His call for their lives.

My prayer for this prospective mission worker family and their concerned aunt is she will see that they are being obedient in following Him across the world. I pray this women will support her niece in this and will eventually become a prayer partner.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this life, I hope I can continue to run the race you've planned with a willing and open heart.

IKEA Made in Europe

One thing I’ve learned about Europe is IKEA is a big deal. Practically every country I’ve visited since September has an IKEA. I’ve slept in IKEA beds, read by the light of IKEA lamps, and drank from numerous IKEA glasses of all shapes and sizes.

The tagline at the bottom of each glass, “IKEA – Made in Bulgaria, or Turkey, or France,” has become a comfort of home. Odd – yes – as in the U.S. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve stepped through IKEA’s doors into the warehouse-style shopping Mecca. It’s big and cheap, which let’s be honest is the American way, yet it doesn’t have the presence in the U.S. like it does in Europe.

How could a store, which I have not actually been to in Europe (ironically), be a sign of home? I’ve come to the conclusion that home is relative. It’s a feeling. A comfort. It’s people. But it’s not a place.

I’ve been happy to be at home in many countries but it has nothing to do with the country itself, or the bed I sleep in, the lamp I read by, or the glass I drink from. It’s the people. How enormously blessed I am to have “homes” around the world. When the people you serve and work with are family, well home becomes where they are, not just a building or a bed.

“Home is where the heart is” is perhaps one of the worst clichés, but for these last two months I thank God it’s true. 

Gate Crashing an Epic Party

You may not know what ‘gate crashing’ is but that is 100% what I did at the U.S.-sent leadership meeting a couple of weeks ago. I happened to be in the same place at the same time, so obviously the most logical thing to do was invite myself to leadership meetings, which I had no place in and really no right to be at.

Now, if my life was a 80s high school movie, I’d be the loveable nerd who gate crashed the party and got kicked out as soon as I was discovered by the popular kids, probably after being publically embarrassed in some way. I thank God my org is not high school and instead of being shunned like the nerd I am, I was embraced with open arms and practically force-fed chocolate (not torture by any means.)

Me, a minion in the cog of the great organization, was welcomed a peer. This may have been amazing, and I may have taken a few pictures here and there, but the true blessing was listening to the stories of the Lord’s work around the world. I sat there, basking in HIS glory because of timing and the welcoming arms of my colleagues.

I could have easily been swept aside, treated as an outcast, but I was welcomed into the inner circle, my opinion and perceptions were even shared with the group by the ‘commander and chief’ of the org. Me, a small piece of the working machine, had a voice. Who wouldn’t want to a part of a company like that?

Moral of my story – crash more parties. You might be surprised by the welcome you get.

Empowerment in Marriage - What Can I Learn?

Many things in recent months have given me pause and caused me to reflect on ministry, the state of the world, the plight of my generation, how the Lord works in miraculous ways (I could keep going but I won't); however, one thing that has struck me and continues to impact me is witnessing the marriages of people across the world.

I am not married, although I hope that is in God's plan for my life, but that doesn't mean that strong marriages don't have a lesson relevant to relationships in general. I have been blessed by a family of strong marriages, although my grandparents and parents have their faults, healthy marriages have been modeled for me since childhood. There are many things one might learn from a healthy marriage but what I have witnessed these last months and has really stuck with me is the idea of partnership with one another and empowerment of your significant other. 

As I write, I have visited nine OC couples and have been blessed in how they partner in ministry together, and more importantly how they empower each other to use their God-given gifts. This has looked different with each family but the common thread is the desire to champion the gifts each person possesses. Often in different seasons perhaps some gifts have been "benched," when needs of children or aging parents take priority; however, what I have seen in each couple is the desire for their partner to be fulfilled in the work the Lord has for them.

In my limited knowledge, I think a good marriage stems from a centered and healthy relationship with Jesus and through that a desire to die to oneself and become joined with another. As I think about my relationships, I should not yet be joined with another but an attitude of selflessness should be dawned. Obviously, we are less than human and complete selflessness cannot be achieved, but I have been blessed to witness those couples who strive to love each other as Christ loved the church.

This is but a small reflection from my time with some incredible families the Lord has placed in my life. Thank you to all who have blessed me by loving each other.

Give a Bit a Time -- See a Revolution

Sometimes in life you are blessed to hear a speaker that's "got it." After listening to Helder Favarin for three days on the British coast, I know I've heard a man anointed by Christ and who will be used by Him to ignite a revolution in Europe's young people.

Helder speaking at a conference in Worthing, England.

After to listening to Helder speak, I'm ready to join in that revolution. If I was one prone to impulse, I'd fill out the next application to be a youth leader and start pouring into the lives of young people around the world. Let's be honest, the millennial generation is the future. Why shouldn't we invest in building them up to be leaders with a strong faith and a heart for Christ?

My love for investing in peers and those younger than myself should come as no surprise, after all, I've been hearing people stories and praying for my fellow MKs since I was 14. I left the comforts of the US to pursue teaching and coaching at Faith Academy for a virtually non-existent pay check. This weekend has just brought the need of my generation and younger to the forefront of my mind and heart once again.

Now, I'm not going to rush into full-time youth ministry just yet. This weekend has reminded me that we don't have to be professionally involved in ministry to invest in another person. "I'm too busy" is not an excuse! People my age and younger need to feel valued and be mentored by others. Millennials have the potential to revolutionize the world today but the fact is we can't do it alone. We need wisdom and truth poured into our lives by those around us, men and women who are strong in the faith.

Serving in the church, outreach in your local community, attending church and Bible study are all good and should not be forgotten, but the truth is that if you are not mentoring or shepherding a young person to take up and champion your ministry, it will not last. Many missionaries I know invest in local leadership of the church, which is a high value. Many people build friend groups with peers and lead a Bible studies, all good things. But if you don't invest in the younger generation then how can you expect any impact on your community to be sustainable?

Whether you like it or not, that 20 year old sitting in the pew, attached to his/her smart phone, tweeting the words you say, is the future. There's no getting around it. So why not pour into their lives now, break bread together and share in relationship? It makes no sense to just live in the now, the future is coming. You can't stop it. You have an expiration date, we all do.

Here's the tricky part: you have to mentor youth on their terms. What does that mean? You have to have a relationship before you can speak into their lives. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. Listen with open and non-judgemental ears. Be willing to discuss and answer the hard questions, no subject should be off limits. Communicate via Facebook, Twitter or the 100 other social media sites. Respect them and value their opinion.

If you breath, and love Christ, this message is for you! No one is exempt, least of all church leadership or people involved in ministry. Nothing you do is more important than investing a part of your time in this generation. Take off your blinders and see the potential. You're missing out.

It's not going to be easy, the generation gap is real. But if you don't see the value in giving some of your time into this generation, then you will be sitting in retirement, complaining about the state of the world when you passed by the opportunity to invest in it while it was young.