Empowerment in Marriage - What Can I Learn?

Many things in recent months have given me pause and caused me to reflect on ministry, the state of the world, the plight of my generation, how the Lord works in miraculous ways (I could keep going but I won't); however, one thing that has struck me and continues to impact me is witnessing the marriages of people across the world.

I am not married, although I hope that is in God's plan for my life, but that doesn't mean that strong marriages don't have a lesson relevant to relationships in general. I have been blessed by a family of strong marriages, although my grandparents and parents have their faults, healthy marriages have been modeled for me since childhood. There are many things one might learn from a healthy marriage but what I have witnessed these last months and has really stuck with me is the idea of partnership with one another and empowerment of your significant other. 

As I write, I have visited nine OC couples and have been blessed in how they partner in ministry together, and more importantly how they empower each other to use their God-given gifts. This has looked different with each family but the common thread is the desire to champion the gifts each person possesses. Often in different seasons perhaps some gifts have been "benched," when needs of children or aging parents take priority; however, what I have seen in each couple is the desire for their partner to be fulfilled in the work the Lord has for them.

In my limited knowledge, I think a good marriage stems from a centered and healthy relationship with Jesus and through that a desire to die to oneself and become joined with another. As I think about my relationships, I should not yet be joined with another but an attitude of selflessness should be dawned. Obviously, we are less than human and complete selflessness cannot be achieved, but I have been blessed to witness those couples who strive to love each other as Christ loved the church.

This is but a small reflection from my time with some incredible families the Lord has placed in my life. Thank you to all who have blessed me by loving each other.

Give a Bit a Time -- See a Revolution

Sometimes in life you are blessed to hear a speaker that's "got it." After listening to Helder Favarin for three days on the British coast, I know I've heard a man anointed by Christ and who will be used by Him to ignite a revolution in Europe's young people.

Helder speaking at a conference in Worthing, England.

After to listening to Helder speak, I'm ready to join in that revolution. If I was one prone to impulse, I'd fill out the next application to be a youth leader and start pouring into the lives of young people around the world. Let's be honest, the millennial generation is the future. Why shouldn't we invest in building them up to be leaders with a strong faith and a heart for Christ?

My love for investing in peers and those younger than myself should come as no surprise, after all, I've been hearing people stories and praying for my fellow MKs since I was 14. I left the comforts of the US to pursue teaching and coaching at Faith Academy for a virtually non-existent pay check. This weekend has just brought the need of my generation and younger to the forefront of my mind and heart once again.

Now, I'm not going to rush into full-time youth ministry just yet. This weekend has reminded me that we don't have to be professionally involved in ministry to invest in another person. "I'm too busy" is not an excuse! People my age and younger need to feel valued and be mentored by others. Millennials have the potential to revolutionize the world today but the fact is we can't do it alone. We need wisdom and truth poured into our lives by those around us, men and women who are strong in the faith.

Serving in the church, outreach in your local community, attending church and Bible study are all good and should not be forgotten, but the truth is that if you are not mentoring or shepherding a young person to take up and champion your ministry, it will not last. Many missionaries I know invest in local leadership of the church, which is a high value. Many people build friend groups with peers and lead a Bible studies, all good things. But if you don't invest in the younger generation then how can you expect any impact on your community to be sustainable?

Whether you like it or not, that 20 year old sitting in the pew, attached to his/her smart phone, tweeting the words you say, is the future. There's no getting around it. So why not pour into their lives now, break bread together and share in relationship? It makes no sense to just live in the now, the future is coming. You can't stop it. You have an expiration date, we all do.

Here's the tricky part: you have to mentor youth on their terms. What does that mean? You have to have a relationship before you can speak into their lives. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. Listen with open and non-judgemental ears. Be willing to discuss and answer the hard questions, no subject should be off limits. Communicate via Facebook, Twitter or the 100 other social media sites. Respect them and value their opinion.

If you breath, and love Christ, this message is for you! No one is exempt, least of all church leadership or people involved in ministry. Nothing you do is more important than investing a part of your time in this generation. Take off your blinders and see the potential. You're missing out.

It's not going to be easy, the generation gap is real. But if you don't see the value in giving some of your time into this generation, then you will be sitting in retirement, complaining about the state of the world when you passed by the opportunity to invest in it while it was young.

Away I Go!

You might know that I am set to leave on a 3 mo. journalism trip to Europe, N. Africa and the Mid East. I get on a plane tomorrow, so I wanted to write a quick post. 

Coming up on the blog will be some awesome pictures, stories, and perhaps even video, of my adventures over the next three months. Stay tuned for interesting (and hopefully entertaining) posts to come. 

I am in the midst of packing and tying up loose ends, so for now this is it. Based on the pic, can you guess where I am going first? It's an easy one :)

Goodbyes SUCK!

The dirty truth of goodbyes is that it doesn't matter how good you are at them they always hurt. Where others express pain through tear-filled hugs, my pain manifests itself in a sick feeling rooted deep in my stomach that spreads and aches in every part of my body. It sounds dramatic but it's a feeling I know well.

Recently I spent two weeks with 55 amazing Mks and their families in the mountains of Colorado. It was a unforgettable time: we hung out, laughed, shared our experiences and bonded quickly. You haven't witnessed bonding like this until you've met a missionary kid. You would think that we would hold people at arms length because of the goodbyes we say, but here's the funny thing -- we don't and we do. It's a paradox that is hard to explain. It's like we soak up all we can in the time we spend together, going deep quickly but yet very few reach the real people underneath. That might not explain it well but it's the best I can do.

These two weeks of my organization's Personnel Enrichment Program are my favorite time of year but after the time is over I have to say goodbye all over again. This was my 12th year being a part of the staff. Many of the missionary-kid staff asked how I do the program every year when the goodbyes are so hard. One wondered how my sister and I had not become callus to goodbyes since we experience them so often. The only answer I know is that I don't know how we do it. All I can say is that I have had the opportunity to see kids grow up and mature into young men and young women. I get to meet new people every year because kids change a lot in four years. No summer is the same, yet they are all amazing. God has blessed me with friends all over the world. Also, if you haven't met a missionary kid or a third-culture kid, you are missing out. Mks/Tcks are complex human beings, with layers and layers of emotions and experiences. Yes, we can be weird, misunderstood, and hard to relate to at times, but the layers are worth peeling back to see the center. The layers can be broken, sour, bitter, confused and unpleasant but the center, at the heart of it, is always uniquely created and sweet. That's why I do it, I get glimpses of the center and get to share in the lives of people that will one day change the world.

Of course, this doesn't make goodbyes any easier to swallow but I wouldn't want to miss a summer. PEP 2013 was one I will always remember and I have been truly blessed by the kids and young adults I experienced it with.

Rabbit Trails

Rabbit trails - we all follow them, we know how to get teachers to step away from lesson plans and follow them, we all need them and we all complain when someone takes us on one against our will.

What got me on this thought process was when Meg, one of the greatest friends ever, posted a Dawson's Creek buzzfeed on my Facebook, which then led me down the rabbit trail of other Dawson's trivia nonsense, a great distraction for a less-than-great Monday morning. This happens to me all the time, I click on a popular video on YouTube and hours later I remember that I was supposed to be doing something, like sleep. Wikipedia is the worst, just ask Meg and her Wiki serial killer phase, you may know the name Charles Manson but do you real know the horrific things he was responsible for? To tease you curiosity, Manson's crew is the reason Roman Polanski went nuts, is now wanted by the U.S. justice system and directed one of the most horrific scenes in Shakespearean film history - Macbeth, 1971, yikes. (Look it up, fascinating stuff)

My recent foray into this pop culture rabbit trail got me thinking about the distractions life brings everyday, rabbit trails we take to avoid or detain from reality. We all do it. A relationship that's not right but fun. An ill-advised trip. A job that you take to just pay the bills but becomes a career.

Sometimes I feel like life right now is rabbit trail, something I was led on against my will. These are my worst times. When I think clearly I realize that I am learning a lot, mainly how to rely on and trust that God is in control. It's hard to trust God completely. We might say that's our desire but do we really relax our grasp on our finances, family, relationships, worries, heartbreaks and let him completely take it over? That's the biggest lesson I am learning during this "rabbit trail;" relying on God means giving up control. It doesn't mean being lazy or complacent, it means putting my faith in Him.

Sometimes rabbit trails aren't a waste of time and energy, sometimes they are lessons to learn, a sideways journey that will lead to a better understanding of His true plan.

Money, Money, Money … Ugh

I know many people share my frustration with finances. We live an economic climate that it temperamental at best. I am thankful that I eat well, sleep in a heated house, drive a working car and I am spoiled with many other luxuries, like DVR and a puppy. I am in no means “in need,” yet money stalks me, it’s an all-consuming giant feasting on worry and need.  

I thought this picture was interesting.

It seems like I can’t go a day without talking about money. I don’t bring it up most of the time; the need for money is something I’d rather ignore. I live in an interesting paradigm; I’m a missionary and therefore rely on the generosity of others to support me. The wonderful people that support me each month sacrifice in order to do so, God has put on their heart to give a percentage of their tithe to my ministry and for that I am eternally grateful. To perpetuate the Christian stereotype, I hope they are as blessed in this offering as I am. This is an amazing work of the Lord, but here’s where the awkwardness comes in – what happens when I need to ask for more?

Missionaries come across this issue all the time. There is a predominant belief in the mission world (I’m sure there are more but this is a common one) – cast a vision for the ministry and the Lord will work in the hearts of the people you meet. It’s a tag-team, you present the opportunity to partner in ministry and the Lord works. Here’s where the big question happens, what if the Lord doesn’t seem to be working? I know missionaries who have been trying to get on the field for years and the money just isn’t coming in. I also know missionaries who are doing amazing work on the field but they are heavily in debt. If the Lord doesn’t seem to be working, then the follow-up question is; am I working in the center of His will? The money is not coming in, am I on the wrong path? How do you answer these questions? You can’t answer the questions without a drastic change, and even then an answer isn’t a guarantee.

Therefore, missionaries rely heavily on faith. That’s where I’m at, relying heavily on faith in my Father but also seeking the best way to present my need to my network of people that care and pray for me. Living in the US and turning 26 next month (going off the parent’s insurance) is proving expensive. I am earnestly praying for God’s guidance in my life, am I on the path He has laid for me or is it time to adjust? Please partner in this prayer with me. As much as I hate money (or at least the lack of it), it’s a necessary piece of the world and something I can’t run away from.

This one a hard one to write, no one wants to share their shortcomings or needs. I’ve grown up in a missionary family so I am no stranger to relying on other’s generosity. Pray never hurts.

(If you are interested in just a piece of what I do, visit our website onechallenge@oci.org. I write/edit a lot of the articles and help generate content.)

A Good Man is Hard to Find

The title of this blog is incredibly misleading but I have a feeling it got you to click. Keep reading, there's a point.

I work for OC International, a mission organization that values its people. I know a lot of orgs say this, but in real and practical ways we care about the mental and physical well being of the people around the world that serve with us, adults and children alike. For roughly 11 years of my life I have been working with the children of our missionaries during our rest and replenish retreat in the summer called PEP.


Did I mention PEP is in the Colorado Rockies?

To understand what we do and why a good man is hard to find, let me give you a bit of incite into missionary kids (these traits are generalized and don't apply to everyone).

1. On some level, we feel responsibly for the money our parents raise. Good manners, bright smiles and God-centric answers to questions seem directly correlated to support raising. This is not true, God challenges people to obediently give, but it seems to a young MK ... the cuter you are, the bigger the bank.

2. In relation to the above trait, it's really hard to admit we are broken and not doing well. This can feel like a betrayal to our parents who have sacrificed in the service of Christ. How can you complain when God has called and your parents answered?

3. MKs are really good at relating to adults. In general, we are well-spoken, insightful, and know our place in the conversation. Unfortunately the caveat is that we are a little awkward around our peers, especially those that have never lived overseas. How does one relate with someone who thinks you live in a hut in central China when you live in a skyscraper with a concrete backyard in the heart of Beijing? This awkwardness often leads to perception of being aloof and when most of your conversations begin with, "On vacation we scuba dived in Bali" or "Every winter we visit a lodge in the Swiss Alps" one might think MKs are a bit spoiled and stuck up. That doesn't even get me started on the "one ups." In an attempt to relate, when you say, "I'm learning Spanish." I might come back at you and say, "I've been speaking Spanish since I was 5." I assure you, I'm just trying to make conversation, you are probably hearing me trying to be better than you.

4. MKs don't feel 100% comfortable anywhere. Even if you have been entirely immersed into the culture where you live, something inside reminds you that you are not actually German or Brazilian or Indonesian. Yet, you also don't belong in the culture in which your passport identifies you. It's a complicated confusion that not every one can understand.

This all leads me to the point of my title. Not just anyone can speak into the lives of MKs. In our org we like older MKs to mentor and listen to younger MKs. There is no judgement or prejudice because we "get" it. We, generally, have no shortage of mature young women that want to pour into and love the young MKs in the org. Where we lack is young men that have experience mentoring and want to spend time having fun with other MKs but also share emotions, struggles and joys with younger, boy MKs. This is a great need this summer. Coming to the retreat are a lot young men who need someone older to hang with them and speak into their lives, someone that cares for them and understands them. We have a couple young men coming to lead but where we lack is a mature, male leader for the older group, who could also lead the male staff. I am desperately seeking God's guidance in this area. Please pray with me in this. It's not an easy job but it's important and I am praying the Lord will bring the right guy to the doorstep.

So my title is not a plea of a single women looking for "Mr. Right," but it's the lament of a MK leader that needs someone to partner in the work of pouring into the lives of MKs from several countries all over the world.


(This is the staff (and one participant in the program)for the summer 2011. Notice, all young women, and don't even ask about the costumes, that story is worth another blog post.)