Posture of Prayer

Yesterday the organization I work for came together for our semi-annual half day of prayer. We celebrate the Lord’s faithfulness and cry out our petitions and pleading to our Father. We pray for the OC family around the world. Before we lift our voices in prayer, we spend time in worship and the Word, led by our mission pastor.

He shared on our heart posture before we enter into prayer. Our course, like many pastors I’ve heard, it was a three-point sermon, but it was the first point that stopped me and convicted my heart.

We should enter prayer with a posture of thanksgiving and praise.

Not revolutionary. Not new. Convicting.

Look deep into your heart. Do you really enter prayer with a heart posture of thanksgiving?

I don’t. I go through my proper “prayer” procedure or ACTS: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication (which means asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly). More often than not, I go through the first three to get to four – the request.

How often do you pray with the sole purpose being to give adoration and thanksgiving to the Lord? And that’s it. It ends there. No agenda. No request. Just praise.

I’ll  be honest with you, even though we discussed this heart posture before praying yesterday, we dove into the requests, yes praise and thanksgiving blended with those petitions, and our hearts, I’d like to believe, were in the right place, but our words didn’t start with thankfulness. Or at least mine didn’t.  

In about a month I am headed for an extended trip to three countries (hopefully). I pray fervently for this trip. I pray for safety, for smooth travel, for finances (honestly, that’s a big chunk), for the people I will be serving, for wisdom, for discernment, for a heart after the Lord’s, for eyes and ears to tell His stories. I humbly and earnestly beg for all these things. I ask others to intercede on my behalf. I need this from my Father.  

But, I hope, after yesterday, when I pray I don’t just focus on what the Lord will do for me. I hope I focus on Him. And even if none of my “asks” are answered, I won't feel my prayers fell on deaf ears. 

Because my prayer shouldn’t be about being answered, or my having my requests given, it should be about God. If it’s about Him, I will never be unanswered or told “no.” 

Because prayer isn’t me asking for something, it’s me worshipping my Father – giving Him my adoration and thanksgiving. Period. 

If I start there, then maybe, just maybe, I will truly be earnest and humble in the rest.

 

Some Days I Miss Her More

Here's the reality - my grandmother went to be with the Lord in June. Here's the other reality - some days I miss her more than others. My last reality - today is one of those days.

Call me unfeeling or harsh, sometimes I don't think about my grandma. I have other things on the mind - work, relationships, books, TV, life in general. Other days, she is all I think about. I don't cry about the fact she's gone on a regular basis. She was ready to go. She's rejoicing in heaven. Laughing  with the angels. Brightening everyone's day up there. She's no longer in pain, she's thriving, happy in the presence of her Savior.

But today I cried.

I cried because I would have seen her today. She'd come to this luncheon I'm attending in an hour. She's smile and kiss my cheek, comment on the clothes I was wearing or how my hair was fixed. She'd laugh. That laugh. That amazing laugh that when you hear it once, you hear it forever. It's the standard by which you judge all other laughs.

Grief, it comes in waves. One minute the sea is calm, reflective, serene. Then in an instant a wall of water towers above you. It's solid, cold, unfeeling. Then it crashes. You're under water, you can't see, breath. All you feel is a tumbled, wavering feeling in your stomach and your lungs yearn for the moment you can once again grasp for air.

So many people around me are grieving. I work in a setting where the average age is 50. My colleagues have lost spouses, parents, children, friends. Even with the life after death we all yearn for, those left behind are just that ... LEFT.

I going to miss her again. Maybe tomorrow, I won't. Maybe this is the last time this week I'll think of her. I'll be preoccupied with myself, as we all are. But there will be another day. Another day I hear a laugh that isn't there. Smell her signature scent. Want to hug her, kiss her, watch a classic movie with her.

I'm so thankful for her. The woman of God she was. The grandmother she was, good and bad. I hope I never stop missing her.

The Great British Bake Off Vs. Literally Every American Cooking Show

During the summer hiatus of my favorite TV shows, I turn to the slew of reality TV entertainment to fill the void. Guilty pleasure – yes. Any chance of stopping – no. One of my favorite types of reality TV is cooking shows. From Chopped to Cake Wars to Master Chef and beyond, I’ve probably seen an episode of every American-marketed competitive cooking show. What can I say? I’m addicted and bored.

This summer, I began watching The Great British Bake Off. I’d heard of it, but never actually watched it. When American TV becomes mundane, which is frequent, I often venture into the world of British television, and in fact a lot of my favorites come from across the pond.

After the first episode of Bake Off I knew something was different. After the second episode, I figured it out – authenticity.

While in the Philippines, I got a taste of the real deal watching Master Chef Juniors: Australia (twice as cute as the American one and 100% more authentic.) In the American version the kids come off as actor wannabes. They’re cute, don’t get me wrong, but I doubt their passion for cooking or on occasion their ability at all. The Aussie version couples the cute factor of kids with their genuine passion – a perfect recipe for an incredible cooking show. The tears and joys are real.

I have now found this in Bake Off. These amateur bakers are real people, not Hollywood wannabes. Granted the people or chefs on American cooking competitions, in most cases, don’t become famous. But they lack the “real” factor. The real factor is extremely important when I’m supposed to care who stays and who goes.

Authenticity is the underlying factor that completely colors the shows. It feels real or it doesn’t. I like the real. Will I stop watching reality TV – no. I’m addicted to fake, just like the rest of America. But I like to foray into real reality TV time and time again.

Here are other important qualities of Bake Off that are refreshingly different:

1.       Contests go home after each round! What a novelty. You don’t have to deal with taking time away from a job or be away from family to compete. Plus, no living in awkward situations with strangers – bonus!

2.       Paul and Mary (Bake Off judges) are firm and critical but they’re not mean for the sake of being mean. No Gordon Ramsey’s here folks.

3.       The tears are real, so is the stress, therefore the drama is real. Will they get the bake completed in time? Who knows?

4.       The tasks are plausible. No stupid time limits (there are limits but reasonable) or crazy ingredients that have to no relevance to the culinary world. Nothing is thrown at contestants just to watch them squirm.

5.       Finally, the hosts are so corny, but they don’t try to pass of as anything but. Plus, it’s educational. History and facts are thrown in, I learn as I watch.

So that’s it. I could be fooled by the bakers, they could all be actors, but if they are give them an award – the fooled me. Bake Off vs. the battery of U.S cooking shows. Watch it – fun times and real baking ahead.

Also, just as an FYI, the U.S. tried its own version Bake Off. It flopped. What can I say, we like fake reality TV.

Prayer List – Can you go off book?

Every Monday my organization has chapel and a time of prayer for our mission workers all over the world. It’s a time we spend in fellowship with one another and it starts the week out centered in the Spirit. Today as I sat in my prayer group circle, with the prayer list paper in hand, I began to wonder about the nature of prayer lists and prayer requests. Are they helpful or do they hold us back?

Today, as I read the prayer sheet and people around me prayed and ticked off each prayer, like ticking off boxes on a check list, I wondered, “Can I go off book?” The prayer requests are laid out before me in a neat little paragraph, wrapped up in a tidy, direct package.  No one would care if I read the sheet word for word, as long as each box was ticked and I meant what I said.

When something is presented before me, the words fed to me, I tend to not branch out from what is given. My mind focuses in on it. In doing this, do I limit spontaneous prayer, the movement of the Spirit? Do I have the freedom to just pray? Let it all loose, pray about what He leads me too?

Do I have the freedom to not pray? I’m expected too. I’m expected to read of the list. Complete the task at hand. But can I pray silently? Can I pray for myself or my family during the time of community prayer? The script is given. Do I dare change it?

I think prayer lists and prayer requests are important. As believers we are prayer warriors. There is immense power in prayer. They give us opportunity to lift up others in prayer, they share the need. But do we rely too heavily on lists? Do we go through the motions, lifting up prayers like reading off a to-do list? Do we allow the Spirit to drive us? Do we listen when He speaks?

Let this be a challenge – don’t be afraid to be spontaneous in your prayers. Use the lists and requests as a spring board for real, deep prayer. Heart prayer. Don’t stop. Keep praying when all the boxes are ticked.

One time a mission worker told me of an analogy he heard when he was a part of a 24-hour prayer meeting – that’s straight; just prayer, 24-hours. He said prayer is like an ocean wave, the struggle, the challenge, the distraction comes on the way up, where lists and requests are necessary for momentum. But the beauty, the fluidity, the movement, the driven, impact prayer comes after the crest, where the Spirit takes a hold and you just ride the wave. 

The Problem with Missionaries

My inner-self in moments of my own stubbornness and pride. 

Since the age of 5 I have lived in the world of missions (I may argue that it’s actually been since birth as both sets of my grandparents are missionaries, but I officially became an MK at 5 so that’s my start date). I’ve learned something in these 22 years of living among those chosen to “go to the ends of the earth,” and it’s not pretty. Missionaries are some of the most hard-headed, stubborn, selfish, change-phobic and downright annoying people on this planet. Sorry if this crushes my halo, (as I am stubborn and selfish) but it’s the truth.

We missionaries are a contradiction, a juxtaposition of the worst kind. In one breath we are self-sacrificing, lay down our lives on the altar, spreading the Good News kind of people and in the next we are unwilling to change, compromise, or work together for the good of the Kingdom. Trust me, it’s true. There are missionaries out there that refuse to work with other missionaries. Something happens, there’s an argument, and the relationship is broken. Sometimes we become so wrapped up in our own ministry we fail to see value in another’s ministry. We rank ministries based on different and unspoken criteria. We place priority on one and marginalize another (I am certainly guilty of this). We are workaholics and say it’s OK because we are doing it for the Kingdom. Ministry becomes a crutch; a reason to be neglectful of families, of friends, and even their relationship with Christ! Are you shocked yet?

The problem with missionaries is that sometimes we feel infallible and, unfortunately, there is precedent for this; often missionaries are treated as such by those that send us. But we, like all humanity, are broken. We need to be saved. The “title” doesn’t make a missionary better, it does not excuse us from devaluing other professions, it’s not sainthood, it doesn’t give us the right to be stubborn, prideful or mean. Those are sins. A missionary refusing to work with another because of our petty humanness is a sin. One of our missionaries stated it this way, “No one needs the gospel more than a missionary!” We are one body and we are called to reach the lost as one body. The lost are not just an unreached people group; they are often family members, children, neighbors, co-workers. Unfortunately we cover our sins with fancy words like, it’s just a “difference in vision.” That’s the enemy’s trap missionaries can fall in to. How can we love the unreached when we cannot love one another?

There are exceptions to every rule. This blanket statement is more about myself than others, I'm sure. For every bad there’s a good. The truth, though, is we are all flawed – no one is an exception to that rule. We are sinful, we are human. The beauty of our Lord is that he uses the sinful. He died that we might be saved. Being saved doesn’t mean we become perfect or without sin. He chose humans, flaws and all, to proclaim HIS glory. We all are called to proclaim his name, whether we have the occupation of “missionary” or not. Perfection was reserved for only one human being, Jesus.

Missionaries should, and are, grateful to be used despite our sin. We just forget it sometimes. We are only successful in the Great Commission when the Holy Spirit chooses to work through us. We alone have no impact; it’s only through Christ that we are given influence. It’s humbling. And we all can use the reminder that without Christ we are nothing, just lost and broken.

A Sad Goodbye to an Amazing Woman

About a year ago I wrote a blog post called “Goodbye’s Suck!” If you have been blessed with a life that has had very few goodbyes, your luck abounds. My life has been riddled with goodbyes – casualties of TCK life. Today my organization says goodbye to a very dear friend and I am reminded that indeed goodbyes suck.

Marcie babysat me before my family went to Guatemala. In fact, she might have been a part of my family’s life before I was. She has worked at OC for 10 years and is leaving to move closer to family in the Northwest. She doesn’t leave town until later this month but today is one of the “official” goodbye days.

This is Kassen (my sister) and Marcie in India. 

For the last two years of working the U.S. office Marcie has been my sanity. She is calm, collected and rational, which is a nice juxtaposition to my irrational and often frustrated temperament. We also take online quizzes like their going out of style – a welcomed laugh in a stressful work week. Reality TV also happens to be our kryptonite. The Voice just won’t be the same without her.

In general I prefer to be the one who leaves verses the one who stays. I’m not often put in this position. I leave, people don’t leave me. Recently a lot of people have been leaving. They move on, I’m here.

No doubt in my life I’ll be the one leaving once again but for now I am trying to find contentment in being the one who stays. It’s a box I don’t quite know how to fit into. It fits awkwardly and itches but it’s where I’m meant to be.

Goodbyes suck, but hellos are great. I pray for new hellos in Marcie’s life as she returns home. (Thank the Lord for email, social media and phones so we can keep in touch!)

I’m hoping for new hellos in my life, even if they will eventually lead to new goodbyes. I hope I find people, like Marcie, who are worth the risk.  

Will your kids be OK if you raise them overseas - ABSOLUTELY! (as much as any other kid anyway)

I recently helped my grandpa edit a letter response to a distraught aunt of one of OC’s appointees who argued that no young families should go overseas to do ministry. She insinuated that this couldn't be God’s plan for young families and that OC was taking advantage of this young couple, not fully explaining the risks. She said she is actively praying that the Lord would keep them here and serve the needy in the U.S., so they could raise their children in the safety and comfort of “home.”

Our first prayer card, circa 1991. I'm the little blondie in red. 

If you know me at all you will understand why I am writing a reactionary blog about this woman’s perspective. My (dare I say it) outrage at this letter has nothing to do with her claim that there are needy people in the U.S. and this couple could serve the Lord here. It has nothing to do with the fact that she clearly wants her family to be safe and close to her. My anger stems from the fact that she is basically saying my parents (and grandparents incidentally) didn't think of my welfare at all when they moved me and my siblings to Guatemala when I was 5. That my education, well-being and future are somewhat lesser having grown up abroad. (She also implies that there is a level of brainwashing going on in our org, which could be true but I think it’s more likely they are brainwashing us to believe the coffee they serve is tolerable.)

Unashamedly, I am hurt by this letter. I’m not going act like my childhood was all peaches and cream, and yeah, sure TCKs and MKs have their share of problems, especially on the identity level, but I will unabashedly get on my soap box and scream that raising children overseas is one of the best things you can do for them.

Here are 10 things I love about being a TCK (there are more but that could take a book):

1. I was raised to know that the Lord’s plan for your life is more meaningful than the one you may have for yourself, even if it involves moving halfway around the world.

2. Life is unpredictable but the Lord’s in control, whether it’s hurricanes, bus riots, being robbed or taken for granted, I learned from a young age to trust Him in dangerous and mundane circumstances.

3. I speak two languages and learning new ones can come quickly (now I speak foreign languages with a Spanish accent, which so far has worked well J, except in French, but c'est la vie.)

4. I grew up in a home where family was everything; often we only had each other.

5. My perspective of the world is broad, no place is more or less important than another.

6. Not many cultures or countries intimidate me; I believe, with the Lord’s help, I could live and thrive anywhere.

7. I have friends all over the world, who feel a lot more like family. 

8. I've learned that everyone's culture is vibrant and worth understanding, the more you know of someone’s culture, the more you know about them.

9. I've lived on the generosity and obedience of others. I’m humbled by the fact that because of donations from churches and individuals my parents and I can do what we are called to.

10. I don’t have an identity rooted in a place, I am rooted in Christ.

This may sound like I am tooting my own horn, “Hey everyone, look at me and how awesome I am.” That’s not my intention. Trust me, I have my fair share of problems and quirks (ask my friends, I have some nasty habits that almost certainly come from being a TCK). Someone could respond with 10 reasons why they love growing up and living in the same place their whole life and I think that’s awesome. We are carefully and wonderfully made and with that comes different backgrounds, talents and purposes. The world would be boring (and complicated) if it was made up of TCKs alone. We need each other.

Some incredible TCKs (obviously fun is something we can do)

The Lord’s plan for each of us is different. Some are called to go, where others are called to stay. That’s beautiful. Despite the hard times and the complexities of being a TCK, I am thankful that my parents answered His call for their lives.

My prayer for this prospective mission worker family and their concerned aunt is she will see that they are being obedient in following Him across the world. I pray this women will support her niece in this and will eventually become a prayer partner.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this life, I hope I can continue to run the race you've planned with a willing and open heart.